..crossroads..

just reviewed my past blogs and i realized i am again in a crossroad.,maybe i'm just overreacting or something that's why i feel this sh*t inside me..do i have the reasons to feel them overpowering me? now i know that i'm really that weak..a weakling. and here i am, playing my game. just trying to enjoy the game while everything around is screwed up (but not totally..it's just that when it comes to my perception in my work, i'm screwed up). I know that each and every single day is new and unique, but before the day starts, i can feel the emptiness in what i'm doing. weeks before, the only reason why i still go to work is because of him. and now, it's even hard for us to see each other because we have different shifts. but as what he had said, they are only schedules. so we're struggling or rather i'm struggling every freaking day. i'm struggling just to survive the day. i'm empty. i'm null. but i convince myself that i'm not hopeless. there's still hope when i'm with him. still hoping that someday, i will be really happy with what i'm doing. but then, i'm trying to assess myself, maybe the real problem is me. i mean, i like to get things that easy that's why i'm struggling right now. i wanna quit but a part of me is saying that i should go on to prove myself. am i supposed to do that? this is where the crossroad comes in. i'm lost, i wanna go home.