surreal

still can't believe i'm using your surname..it's surreal..and it feels good every time i say my name or write it in forms..i love you so much..i'm so blessed to have you in my life..

everyday

every day, i can't help but thank the Lord for giving you as my husband..before we met, i don't have any concept of what my ideal man is..i just tell to myself that Lord will give me the right one for me..so i was not asking for specific traits or characteristics..then God gave you to me..i realized that He is so good for giving me the person that is perfect in my life..the person that i needed..the person who will help me grow..and every day i say to myself that you are ideal..that unconsciously, you are the one that i wanted in my life..who will complete me (it's cliche, i know)..and that all my exes are nothing compared to you..you are a complete package that God gave me ..you have all the perks that i needed..i suddenly realized that you are the one i wanted in my life..and God really knows what we need in our life..i suddenly had a concept of what ideal is...you.

you are what i perfectly need in my life, you are my ideal.. :)

it's been a while

it's been more or less four months since the last time I wrote in this blog..this is supposed to be my 2010 year-end thoughts though i know it's really late for that..but still, i want to write about my 2010.

the year 2010 was full of blessings.,one of the greatest experiences that i had was when i saw my husband-to-be waiting for me at the altar wearing a smile that i can't explain and the other one was when i saw my baby girl for the first time at the hospital..those were the happiest and unforgettable experiences that i had in my 2010.,i started the year as a single individual and ended it with a husband and a baby..i can say that 2010 is my happiest year although i experienced many changes in my life..well, i just have to adapt to those changes and keep on living my life..

I keep on saying to myself that this is the reason why God didn't let me die in 2007.,i still have a great life ahead of me..i will still meet the man meant for me..and i will still bear the child that will suddenly change my life..God didn't want to give me a dead end..He wanted to give the life that i deserve..He wanted me to realize that although i experienced some b*llsh*t in my past, there is still someone who will save from despair..He wanted me to realize that life is beautiful, full of hope, and enjoyable if you share it with the one you love..He wanted me to be whole again..and to keep my life comical, i tell my husband that God said to Himself "kawawa naman tong batang to, si joy pa nmn ang hiniling nia sakin..kung kukunin ko na sya, mahihirapan na ko ulit maghanap ng ibibigay kay dann"...and of course, my husband will laugh sarcastically.. :)

Dann is changing me..honestly, i'm experiencing an internal struggle..and it's the struggle that is hardest to fight..imagine you battle with yourself, or better yet, your thoughts..and your thoughts are sometimes tricky..coz if you have an internal struggle, you are killing yourself inside..you become confused of what you feel and think..that's why it's hard to battle with your own thoughts..it's the reason you become illogical..

How long will this struggle last?.i don't know..as long as i hold on to those stupid thoughts..i don't know how to win..but i keep on fighting everyday..i'm bleeding..but soldiers bleed to win the battle.

so my 2010?.it's worth living..it's worth remembering.,and my life doesn't end here,,i still have many years to live and share with my family..i still have a lot of memories to keep, lessons to learn, and love to give..and i thank God for giving me the right person..the person that i exactly need in my life (in so many ways)..God really loves me..He didn't want me to suffer all my life so He gave me my husband, Dann..along with my daughter, Ria.. :)