this bleeding heart won't stop crying...

it's late, and i'm still awake. just thinking of so many stuff in my head. i hate to think about them but i can't stop it. i'm actually tired of convincing myself of "what is" (the reality). i try to convince myself then afterwards i go back to my dreamland. it's a routine..it tires me. i can't wake up. i said that when i was really in love with him. i can't stop, not now. but this dream is so complicated and i can't stand it anymore. you're already hurting me. you may be unaware but you're hurting me so much. you're so insensitive.

i cry all night because of you, because of your insensitive personality. i want you to go away so that this bleeding heart would stop crying. i love you but i guess you don't love me (even though you said it few times) i want to rest but how can i if you won't stop bothering me. you won't go away.

i don't know what i want right now. i just want to stop crying. i want my heart to stop bleeding. it hurts so much, i can't take it anymore. i am in love with you

i guess this is how it should be. me being broken and you very happy. i want to tell you that you're so selfish. you only think about yourself. you even don't consider what others would feel. you just want to be happy. you want everything about you to be secured (even at the expense of others)

i don't know what else to do. i want you to be out of my life, but i also don't want to. confused...that's what i am right now. i want to rest. i want to be peaceful. i want to be happy. you're so selfish that you don't want to give me that happiness. i don't want your love (for me to be happy)...i just want you to stop bothering me or giving me false hopes. for now, i don't know what you really feel, what you really want. i even don't know if you care.

i suddenly don't know you. i want to be angry but i can't. my love for you dominate my emotions and reason. i can't think clearly because of that love that i have for you. still, you refuse to recognize that. you refuse to open your eyes for the reality between us..around us.

i know we can't be together. the least we can do is to be sensitive, to think about the other (our feelings). please stop being selfish and let me go if you can't really catch me. we need to get out of this complication. we need to get out of this situation. we don't grow anymore. we're stuck in this stupid area and it hurts so much to be aware of this but i can't do anything. i want to be with you but i also want to go. i want to have a life without you. far from your shadows. far from your love (as what you call it).

i want to end this whatever relationship we have. it's complicated and i want to get out. please let me go. i'm begging you. if you can't decide, i'll do it. i'll do it as soon as possible. you won't see me bothering you either. i won't get in the way. i'll go. i have to go. it's for the best. it's for us.

i wish you happiness with her.

i will be happy for you.

i love you, goodbye...