Fear, Trust, Love and everything in between

I am in a happy marriage. I have an understanding husband, a cute little daughter, and God gives us the blessings that we deserve.

But I have this fear…fear of losing my husband..and this causes irritating situations between me and my husband. Trust is a separate issue. But I love him so much that it hurts every time we argue.

I fear that our marriage will fail someday because of me. This is why I’m trying my best to change. Failure doesn’t mean that we will go on separate ways. But there are just relationships where the parties change, they fall out of love but for valid and logical reasons, they opt to stick with one another.

Such relationships exist. That’s why I’m scared. I’m scared of being in that situation. I’m scared of failing. I may be a failure in other aspects but it will hurt me if this very important part of my life fails.

Trust. It is an ancient word and concept to me. I have lost my trust to men after I discovered that there are people who can lie to you to the extreme. I know that not all men are like that. But for me, it’s hard to regain that trust to people or guys because sh*t guys exist.

Trust. It is the thing that I want to regain. I want to fully trust my husband because I know he is sincere and honest. But fear of experiencing being cheated often comes to my mind. This is why I often calm my mind.

I love him so much. And this love led to the fear of losing him. I don’t want to be hurt again. This is also the reason why I am impatient especially when it comes to him. But as what Bo Sanchez said, impatience surfaces because people want to control things. People should be aware of the things that they can control and the things that they cannot. Everything in our life can be our area of concern but not are of control.

Maybe learning to be patient can help me calm my soul. Maybe when I gathered all my senses back, I can free from the chains of fear, distrust, and hate. I am a prisoner with shackles.

This is what I am learning now. To be free, to love right, and to walk in the right path.