my lakbayan grade is C!

Should I celebrate or not? I know, i have not visited much of the country's towns...Soon, i will! :)

My Lakbayan grade is C!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

loyalty and marriage

there are so many things that i learn in our office. The environment is intellectually challenging both for political and moral views. That's why I tell to myself that this is the reason why God sent me here...it is to learn the lessons i need to learn..or hear them. Lessons in life are best taught by people who have done so many things in their life.

After the Tagaytay trip where I heard the advice of my boss about building trust and giving space, I have learned a lot of things when it comes to morals. Somewhere along my journey for maturity, I lived my life against the norms. It's because norms are just the rules and MORALS that people impose in the society. So I broke so many rules, done things that NORMAL people wouldn't do...I enjoyed my life and learned so many things along the way.

Then the other day came, we were talking as we always do after lunch. We suddenly came to the topic about loyalty and adultery. What would you choose, love or work? Then one of the senior staffs said that we should go back to the basics: Ten commandments. I know, I'm working in a non-sectarian university but with influence from Opus Dei. So the morals are still slanting towards Catholicism and Christianity.

It was a debate, real debate. Then one of them said that it's not right if you are not doing the right thing or hurting someone. If you are married, stick to it. God blessed married couples so the marriage should be forever.

Then the other one said that there are a lot of people or couples who are separated because they let their emotions rule their minds. The rebuttal: they are still thinking. Then the answer: Yes, they're thinking to justify their emotions so they end up justifying the wrong thing. And those wrong justifications become norm that's why couple nowadays think that it is ok to separate and break their marriage.

Then I realized, yes, she's correct. The norm now about marriage lacks the basic and fundamental idea of marriage that's why there are a lot of broken families and suffering kids. That's why there are a lot of kids who grow up being rebels to their families because they didn't feel the love that they supposed to receive. That's the reason why the teens do not take relationships seriously.

Masyadong burgis ang pagmamahal at relasyon ngayon sa lipunan. Papalit-palit, pinagsasabay, at walang commitment. Dahil un ang tinuturo sa mga tao na dapat baguhin.

give space and built trust

Thy will be done…

Yesterday was our sched for Tagaytay and we agreed that anyone not in the school at 6:30am will be left behind. So while going to the school, I was praying to God that His will be done. That if He likes me to go, then I will not be left behind…it’s because I knew for sure I will be late. But when I arrived, they were still there but about to go…so I joined them to the trip…

Then before the day ended, we were having coffee at Bag of Beans. For some reason, the topic went to relationships and marriage…my boss told us that in order for the marriage to work, we should give space and build trust…I was hit immediately with his words…he said that if wives don’t like to be suffocated (that’s the exact word he used), guys also don’t like that…it should be mutual..there should be a mutual understanding…it was exactly what I need…

Then while on our way back to manila, I was assessing myself…had so many thoughts…

I suddenly felt so peaceful and happy. I dunno, but maybe that’s why God let me be with them yesterday…in order for me to hear what my boss will say…and to contemplate on things that I should do.

skeptical

Discovery leads to skepticism. And even when I have the most suitable answers, I still question them. I think this is paranoia. My thoughts are eating me and my heart bit by bit, beat after beat. I want to forget. If only memory gap can help me forget the things that needed to be forgotten. But they chose to stay…and I let them stay.

Can I call you? Will you answer? Will you try to understand me? Will you not get tired of dealing with me?

Everyday I battle with myself and I’m always defeated.

That when I discover things, I get skeptical. Is it good? At least I’m not passive, but I doubt.

surreal

still can't believe i'm using your surname..it's surreal..and it feels good every time i say my name or write it in forms..i love you so much..i'm so blessed to have you in my life..

everyday

every day, i can't help but thank the Lord for giving you as my husband..before we met, i don't have any concept of what my ideal man is..i just tell to myself that Lord will give me the right one for me..so i was not asking for specific traits or characteristics..then God gave you to me..i realized that He is so good for giving me the person that is perfect in my life..the person that i needed..the person who will help me grow..and every day i say to myself that you are ideal..that unconsciously, you are the one that i wanted in my life..who will complete me (it's cliche, i know)..and that all my exes are nothing compared to you..you are a complete package that God gave me ..you have all the perks that i needed..i suddenly realized that you are the one i wanted in my life..and God really knows what we need in our life..i suddenly had a concept of what ideal is...you.

you are what i perfectly need in my life, you are my ideal.. :)

it's been a while

it's been more or less four months since the last time I wrote in this blog..this is supposed to be my 2010 year-end thoughts though i know it's really late for that..but still, i want to write about my 2010.

the year 2010 was full of blessings.,one of the greatest experiences that i had was when i saw my husband-to-be waiting for me at the altar wearing a smile that i can't explain and the other one was when i saw my baby girl for the first time at the hospital..those were the happiest and unforgettable experiences that i had in my 2010.,i started the year as a single individual and ended it with a husband and a baby..i can say that 2010 is my happiest year although i experienced many changes in my life..well, i just have to adapt to those changes and keep on living my life..

I keep on saying to myself that this is the reason why God didn't let me die in 2007.,i still have a great life ahead of me..i will still meet the man meant for me..and i will still bear the child that will suddenly change my life..God didn't want to give me a dead end..He wanted to give the life that i deserve..He wanted me to realize that although i experienced some b*llsh*t in my past, there is still someone who will save from despair..He wanted me to realize that life is beautiful, full of hope, and enjoyable if you share it with the one you love..He wanted me to be whole again..and to keep my life comical, i tell my husband that God said to Himself "kawawa naman tong batang to, si joy pa nmn ang hiniling nia sakin..kung kukunin ko na sya, mahihirapan na ko ulit maghanap ng ibibigay kay dann"...and of course, my husband will laugh sarcastically.. :)

Dann is changing me..honestly, i'm experiencing an internal struggle..and it's the struggle that is hardest to fight..imagine you battle with yourself, or better yet, your thoughts..and your thoughts are sometimes tricky..coz if you have an internal struggle, you are killing yourself inside..you become confused of what you feel and think..that's why it's hard to battle with your own thoughts..it's the reason you become illogical..

How long will this struggle last?.i don't know..as long as i hold on to those stupid thoughts..i don't know how to win..but i keep on fighting everyday..i'm bleeding..but soldiers bleed to win the battle.

so my 2010?.it's worth living..it's worth remembering.,and my life doesn't end here,,i still have many years to live and share with my family..i still have a lot of memories to keep, lessons to learn, and love to give..and i thank God for giving me the right person..the person that i exactly need in my life (in so many ways)..God really loves me..He didn't want me to suffer all my life so He gave me my husband, Dann..along with my daughter, Ria.. :)