surreal

still can't believe i'm using your surname..it's surreal..and it feels good every time i say my name or write it in forms..i love you so much..i'm so blessed to have you in my life..

everyday

every day, i can't help but thank the Lord for giving you as my husband..before we met, i don't have any concept of what my ideal man is..i just tell to myself that Lord will give me the right one for me..so i was not asking for specific traits or characteristics..then God gave you to me..i realized that He is so good for giving me the person that is perfect in my life..the person that i needed..the person who will help me grow..and every day i say to myself that you are ideal..that unconsciously, you are the one that i wanted in my life..who will complete me (it's cliche, i know)..and that all my exes are nothing compared to you..you are a complete package that God gave me ..you have all the perks that i needed..i suddenly realized that you are the one i wanted in my life..and God really knows what we need in our life..i suddenly had a concept of what ideal is...you.

you are what i perfectly need in my life, you are my ideal.. :)

it's been a while

it's been more or less four months since the last time I wrote in this blog..this is supposed to be my 2010 year-end thoughts though i know it's really late for that..but still, i want to write about my 2010.

the year 2010 was full of blessings.,one of the greatest experiences that i had was when i saw my husband-to-be waiting for me at the altar wearing a smile that i can't explain and the other one was when i saw my baby girl for the first time at the hospital..those were the happiest and unforgettable experiences that i had in my 2010.,i started the year as a single individual and ended it with a husband and a baby..i can say that 2010 is my happiest year although i experienced many changes in my life..well, i just have to adapt to those changes and keep on living my life..

I keep on saying to myself that this is the reason why God didn't let me die in 2007.,i still have a great life ahead of me..i will still meet the man meant for me..and i will still bear the child that will suddenly change my life..God didn't want to give me a dead end..He wanted to give the life that i deserve..He wanted me to realize that although i experienced some b*llsh*t in my past, there is still someone who will save from despair..He wanted me to realize that life is beautiful, full of hope, and enjoyable if you share it with the one you love..He wanted me to be whole again..and to keep my life comical, i tell my husband that God said to Himself "kawawa naman tong batang to, si joy pa nmn ang hiniling nia sakin..kung kukunin ko na sya, mahihirapan na ko ulit maghanap ng ibibigay kay dann"...and of course, my husband will laugh sarcastically.. :)

Dann is changing me..honestly, i'm experiencing an internal struggle..and it's the struggle that is hardest to fight..imagine you battle with yourself, or better yet, your thoughts..and your thoughts are sometimes tricky..coz if you have an internal struggle, you are killing yourself inside..you become confused of what you feel and think..that's why it's hard to battle with your own thoughts..it's the reason you become illogical..

How long will this struggle last?.i don't know..as long as i hold on to those stupid thoughts..i don't know how to win..but i keep on fighting everyday..i'm bleeding..but soldiers bleed to win the battle.

so my 2010?.it's worth living..it's worth remembering.,and my life doesn't end here,,i still have many years to live and share with my family..i still have a lot of memories to keep, lessons to learn, and love to give..and i thank God for giving me the right person..the person that i exactly need in my life (in so many ways)..God really loves me..He didn't want me to suffer all my life so He gave me my husband, Dann..along with my daughter, Ria.. :)

baby ria

Meet my daughter...
ALEKSANDRIA JEROME LOBRIGUITO ORZALES
born on October 9, 2010 at exactly 10:10 am through Caesarian section delivery
she weighs 6 lbs 15 oz at the time of delivery and has a length of 48 cm
she was born with the help of Dr. Camille Ann Abaya at Marikina Valley Medical Center
we call her Ria :)

two weeks of being a mother

I’ve been a mother for two weeks now and I have experienced so many changes. I said to myself that I have to adapt to these changes both for me and for my baby. Being a mother is not easy…you have to be logical at all times to know the needs of your newborn. As what my husband told me, our daughter’s only way to communicate is through crying so we have to know what she needs.

In two weeks, I have experienced sudden changes both physically and emotionally. I am currently battling the baby blues. The hormones must be very powerful to drive me into the state that I don’t want to be. Before I gave birth, I said to myself that I will not undergo nor experience baby blues. But then, days after I delivered our baby, I started to cry and think of unnecessary things that became the reason for my emotional instability. It’s really hard to fight when you are targeted in your weakest part. But I told myself that this will soon pass because sooner or later I’m going to be in perfect shape.

There are times when I am breastfeeding my baby, I just look at her and tell myself how angelic this baby is. It amazes me how she grew inside my body in a span of nine months. God is really amazing because he made the woman’s body a sanctuary of life. And even though I have to wake up every two hours just to feed my newborn, it’s okay. Being the only provider of the best nutrients is one of the most precious titles that mothers can get.

So in two weeks, I honestly experienced hardship in nursing my baby. Recovery takes time especially if you underwent Caesarian surgery. Added burden for me is the complication that was brought by my pregnancy…pre-eclampsia. I am still monitored for my blood pressure and I am limited in terms of physical activities since I need to recover both from the delivery and complication. But then, I need to be okay.

Being in the postpartum stage is hard since you need to recover physically and emotionally. Sometimes, I still can’t believe that I am already a mother. It’s surreal yet frightening. But when I look at my baby, I am motivated to recover the soonest possible time so I can attend to her needs. Now I understand that being a mother is really difficult. It takes a lot of dedication and love. And being a mother for only two weeks, I know that I will still experience so many things. This is just the beginning. And soon, I know that I will be able to master and adapt to the big change in my life called motherhood.

36 and 37 weeks

my last few weeks of being pregnant:

at 36 weeks, my feet started to swell...really swell.,and it's hard for me to walk coz my feet hurt so much...that's why every night i make sure that they are lifted to ease the pain..

at 37 weeks, went to the hospital for my check up.,weekly check up and monitoring starts..as of sept 23, cervix is still closed but there are now contractions...

still at 37 weeks, my feet are really swollen..sewn baby's bumper guard and my feet were really swollen that day (sept 24)

setp 25, i still don't know when i have to monitor my contractions..i can't feel them though my tummy feels so hard outside..hmmmm.,excited for baby.,her crib is now set with all the bumpers and pillows..i sewn baby's guard, stacker and organizer.. :) really personalized :)

waiting for baby...everything's set now..we're ready to welcome her to the world :)

7th month (30th week)

more or less 2 months na lang and baby will say hello to the world..last august 6, we had 3d4d ultrasound para icheck si baby.,we were so excited before going to the clinic..i though hindi matutuloy ang ultrasound (just to expect the worst)..but no,,we went to SM marikina (in my womb) to have the ultrasound.,the procedure lasted for about 30 minutes..baby ria smiled many times especially when me and dann tried to talk to her..she's so pretty khit sa 4d pa lang.,kuhang kuha sa daddy niya ang ilong at lips (i thought skn ang lips pero it turned out na kay dann nia nkuha)..gender lang ata ang nakuha skn ni baby..of course, tuwang tuwa si dann kasi kahit na baby girl si ria, nakuha naman sa knya ang ilong..i just hope na may makuha rin sya sakin..hehe..baby's a girl version of her dad..naexcite tuloy ako makita si baby..sana pati ung height sa daddy nia nakuha..

gising sya the whole time pero may times na nakatigil lang sya..then she'll smile..i sent the pictures to mommy and daddy..sabi nila kamuka raw tlga ni dann si baby..

she's like an angel here (pic above)..sana hindi sya pasaway pag labas at habang lumalaki sya..at sana super healthy nia..we want to give her the best..


ang mag-ama ko, parehas na parehas.,sana makuha ni baby ang brown eyes ng daddy niya..at sana khit dimples man lang mamana nia skn..pero kung wala man makuha skn,ok lng..basta she's healthy lagi, ok na un.,can't wait to see her.,pero sa october pa dapat.,hindi pa pwde ngyon kse kulang pa sa buwan..at hindi pa rin ako prepared manganak.. :)

one of the pics na nakabelat si baby..pero dito nakasimangot din sya..nakuha din nia sa daddy nia ang kunot sa noo..hehe..mataray ata si baby pag laki..tumataas ang kilay kht nsa loob pa..pero super nagssmile naman siya..wag naman nia sana mamana skn ung pagiging mairitahin..hehe..sana ang patience nia katulad ng sa tatay nia..super haba..

i love my baby..and i love my husband.. :)