..wondering.,

i'm just wondering what my baby is doing at this moment inside my tummy..i also ask myself if he/she is still alive..coz i don't feel any movement inside..maybe after few months, i'm going to feel my baby moving..i hope my baby's ok., :)

declutter

just some random thoughts after a tiring day:

just finished decluttering my closet..i just realized i have so many dresses that i can wear at this stage.,thanks to my mom and dad for buying those clothes for me in the past.,now i can definitely wear them especially if my tummy gets bigger after few months..

while taking my rest after that very haggard activity, i just realized there's no permanent and constant thing in this world..because the only constant thing is change..we can't avoid those changes, and the worst part is, sometimes we don't realize that everything is changing..we thought that everyday is just like every single day in our life..but once we looked back, we will see that everything has changed..and we can't undo those changes anymore..and sometimes there are no second chances..maybe after few years, the things that i have now and the thoughts and ideals that i have in my mind will change..i don't know if those will be for the better or not..

also, sometimes it is best if you don't know the truth...so that you will not be hurt..some people will say that the truth will set you free..yeah, i agree..coz you will just live your life with what-ifs and what-could-have-been's. .that is if you know something but you don't have any chance to confirm it (or you just don't want to confirm it)..but sometimes, you choose to live your life with lies just because you don't want to be hurt..you pretend to be ok even if you know that everything's not fine...you tend to avoid the things or the truths that will hurt you..because sometimes it is hard to tell if someone is really telling you the whole truth..if someone is being true to you..or someone is just acting the way he/she is acting so that you will not be hurt..this thought is from the idea that if you came from a very destructive relationship, you will question everything and it will be so hard for you to believe everything..

that's why in life, you also have to declutter...so that you will not be hurt.

..three months now..

just few days ago, i noticed my tummy got bigger (suddenly)..my baby's bigger now at three months..i can't wear my pants anymore, i just have to wear clothes that are not so fit so that my baby will not be hurt inside..

until now, i still don't know the gender of my baby. my doctor said that i can have my ultrasound on my 5th month. so excited to know if my baby is a girl or a boy. :) whatever the gender is, it doesn't matter. i'll still love him or her the same way.

i wonder how big my tummy will be on my wedding day..that'll be more or less 2 months now..hope the dress will fit :)

by the way, the ultrasound was taken during my 2nd month..my baby's like a gummy bear already. by this month, the arms and legs should be longer..i'm excited to see my little one..approximately that'll be after 6months from now. can't wait

..flash of thoughts..

everytime i reminisce the day we went to the lab to have baby's ultrasound, i can still feel that very special moment when i saw my baby's heart beating :)

suddenly, it came to my mind that this is the real thing already. Me, my baby, and my baby's daddy. We're going to be a family now.

:)

..bedrest..

as of last night, i was advised that i should rest...bed rest.,i'll go to my OB tomorrow to check if there's something wrong with my baby..and i just hope nothing's wrong.,coz i don't wanna lose him/her..i don't wanna lose my baby..but then, we're taking measures already so that my baby will stay..i just hope my baby's fine..

and now, i'll still go to the hospital to submit urine sample for my urinalysis..

being pregnant is fun but women are very fragile during this stage.,i'm not used to it.

..some blues..

have you ever thought maybe we're not meant to be?.that maybe we're just overwhelmed with what's happening to us and around us?.do you sometimes feel that no one likes to see us together?.do you feel that we're not really meant to be?.that this is just a stage in our life that we have to face and sooner or later we're going to part ways and follow our own paths?.

i feel them,,just today..all the negative energies and stuff.not because i don't love you but because i really do care for you a lot that i want you to be happy..really happy.,and sometimes i think that you'll never be happy with me.,i think you'll be more happy with someone else..

but then,i don't want you to go..i just want you to stay..just stay beside me.

but there are still things that are bothering me..

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hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin to.,sa bawat minuto na wala akong ginagawa, lahat ng iniisip ko related dito. oo, hindi ako handa at aminado ako dun pero wala naman na akong magagawa eh. ngayon nangyari kaya kelangan kong harapin. hindi nangyari dati kaya palagay ko ngayon ang panahon kahit naguguluhan ako. sa dami ng iniisip ko, lahat yun para sa kanya. lahat yun para maging ok siya. kasi ayokong dumating ang panahon na magffail ako dito. alam ko magiging handa rin ako after ilang buwan. alam ko yun.