got messed up

got messed up, got screwed up.

i know everything is perfectly fine, but it was me who messed things up. because of that thing that bothers me for years now, i'm not perfectly well. i know i'm still sick. it pisses me off

my mind is working perfectly sometimes, but other times it's not. as i have said in my other post, my mind is clouded with thoughts. i'm bothered. i'm not well.

because of this, i can't think clearly. because of this, i'm messed up.
but this time, i know i have to face it. i know i have to accept it. because with this, i know i can get myself better...healed.

...walang pamagat...

MAHAL NA MAHAL TALAGA KITA Mahal Ko! :)

kandila by sugarfree

Ngayong gabi
Madilim dito
Walang ilaw
Brownout sa aking mundo
Sa init naiinip
Sa dilim nangangapa
Naalala tuloy kita

Kandila lang ang kasama kandila lang
Kamusta ka na kaya?

Kung kailan pa nawalan ng ilaw
Tska pa lang naging malinaw
Baka ako ang may kasalanan
Kung bakit tayo ay may tampuhan
Di na pwedeng pagusapan

Sori di kita hinabol
Sori tayo'y malabo
May-maya lang ay may ilaw na
Pero sana ay malaman mo
Magka ilaw man madilim pa rin
Magka ilaw man madilim pa rin kung wala ka

a not-so-bright-sunshiny-day

screwed up..yeah.,those are the words that can describe me right now..,totally screwed up.,

began last night.,everything followed,,til now everything's screwed up.

..my second entry today..

technically, it's really not 'today' coz it's already past 12midnight..just for this stressful day because i'm still awake..

anyway,,just pissed off with everything that happened to me..they are really downfalls for me.,well, not really everything.,

the reason??.well, i just think this is not my day.,yeah..it's really not my day..first, got unlucky with LTO.,then, my one ptc account got screwed up..,and then, i got demoted-slash-on probation in one of my freelancing jobs..see..what else?????.i'm totaly screwed up.,

maybe i just need some sleep..and i hope i can sleep though
tomorrow, i mean later, hope everything will be fine..i hope there'll be good news for me..
i suddenly lost my interest in what i'm doing right now..really..

i suddenly felt tired.

..just don't want to add a title..

it is same as saying this post is untitled. I don't want to give a title to this blog entry because i just feel like not placing any. Honestly, i don't know what i'm going to say in this entry. i just want to write something (and that's not for the sake of writing and earning something). I want to unwind from the stressful day that i had. Stressful because i have a deadline to beat. (nearly 3 hours to go and my time is up). Still, i haven't finished my assignment up to now. One article is such a long one for me right at this moment. It's because my mind is clouded with so many things. Things comin' in and goin out. They just don't settle (i mean my thoughts). They're flying everywhere. If only i could see my brain, i could see smog in it. lots of smog. maybe you're asking why i thought of smog, right?. actually, i don't know too. i just thought that smog is a combination of good and bad. and that's exactly what's happening inside my head. if i could just order my thoughts to stop bothering me so i could finish my work. but i can't. they just won't listen. i just won't listen. (and now i'm talking to myself..freak right)..well, this is the beauty of writing a blog entry. you can talk stupidly to yourself. just like what i'm doin right now.

minutes are passing. seconds. microseconds.

i'm hanging.

i'm hung.

i'm...

...totally confused.

and that's what i am now. confused. confused of what to think. confused of what to believe. i barely can't breathe. smog's into my chest now (finally leaving my null mind)

...and now the smog's starting to numb me. it's starting to make my chest null too.

i dunno..i just dunno.

..a happy day..

planning your future is an exciting thing in your life. But what makes it more exciting is when you do it with the one you really love. I did that today.

This completed my day. We went to church for the usual Sunday mass and headed towards my subdivision. We sat on an empty lot and spread a newspaper to protect our clothes. We looked at the metro (since our subdivision is located on a hill) and started to imagine...and plan.

It's a wonderful experience for me, especially that I did this with my special someone.
Honestly, this was the first time... :)